Are Affirmations Wack?

Most affirmations are kinda shit.  Yes, you can practice, and sure, over time, you will get some results. But when you are living with toxic shame, it can be incredibly painful to engage in affirmations that feel like 1000 miles away.  Trust me, I know.  

Why am I talking about affirmations? Isn't that just neo-spiritual fluff? What does that have to do with therapy. Affirmations are really just self-beliefs verbalized out loud, something we work with all the time in therapy, ones that are supportive and ones that are painful, to learn more about ourselves. So, I want to share with you something a mentor casually dropped on me, that changed my entire world.

I was struggling to see myself as useful, as a person that could offer someone help, and I had been a successful practicing therapist for 10 years with awesome results and all sorts of certifications...toxic shame, I tell you, it's a fucking killer. I said something to the effect of, "I have no point." And she did the most genius thing.  She asked me if I could try saying, "I have no point...right now."  

It hit like a ton of bricks. I teared up, I felt seen, and the statement felt authentic, real, AND hopeful. "Right now" was such an incredible reminder that everything is temporary, that life goes on, and things will change (whether you want them to or not).  "Right now," honored and validated my experience.  But "Right now" also got my tough inner critics on board because they can smell rosy bullshit a mile away.  Right now also offered me space to consider that I WILL have a point in the future.

"Right now" was and is a goddamn revelation for me.

Affirmations need to be believable. You can't just go from A to Q, then you are missing the gold of B-P, we need those letters. They offer the complexity and nuance of our incredible selves. So try adding in "right now" when you are engaged in deeply negative self-talk.  It's not going to solve everything, but it will support you in taking one small step out. Because your nervous system needs to be onboard.  

When we're traumatized and we overwhelm ourselves with "I am a wonderful person" or some such combination, we can really set ourselves back. It can make us feel even more worthless that we can't even engage in some simple affirmations.  So today, if you can, try adding "right now" to the deeply negative things you are telling yourself.

For example: I'm so tired of living, right now. Or any other combinations of:  I am X, Y, Z, right now. So, for right now (lol), take a small moment to pause and notice what happens in your body when you add right now to a difficult self belief. What happens to your breathing? What happens to your tensions, contractions, or places that you are holding? Don't just try it once, see if you can build it in a few times a week.

If you want more help with this, reach out to me today for a free 15-minute consultation call to get you started on healing your self-beliefs.